Honestly, I like to think that I was pretty self-aware before starting the MSLD program. However, we all know that there is always room for growth, positive change, and improvement. Thus, I will say I have changed in that I am more comfortable with exposing myself in an academic environment. As a person who has a habit (most times it's a good thing) of rule-keeping, in the past, I would have given a textbook answer to reflective assignments like this one. I have no problem reflecting on my own but when asked to share these reflections with an instructor and classmates in whom I am not intimately acquainted? Um, no. "No!" is the resistance I felt about the reflective exercises that our blog assignments require.
I started this program at an important time in my personal life. Personally, I had been working on issues I have with codependency in a real recovery program that requires self-disclosure, self-awareness, honesty, transparency, you name it...all of the uncomfortable, exposing things. As I have been working on my recovery and growing as a student in this program, I can clearly see how I have changed. As noted by Whetten and Cameron (2016), I have come to believe that what I value, how I feel about myself, how I interact with others, what I want to accomplish, and what I am attracted to, are all strongly influenced by my emotional intelligence, values, cognitive style, orientation toward change, and core self-evaluation (p.48). I wouldn't have been able to summarize those thoughts without learning the details of these terms throughout the MSLD program and within my recovery program.
Since my self-awareness is heighten, I have a better understanding of who I am, what I value, how I interpret information, and how I am seen by others. My growth in self-awareness is not only based on what I am learning about myself, emotionally, but also cognitively. Cognitively, I am learning about the way I gather information and the way I evaluate and act on the information I receive (Whetten and Cameron, 2016, p.59). I have learned that I am a bit of a researcher; I didn’t realize how much I thrive in research-heavy situations. For example, although my job title is not “researcher”, as a campus manager, I feel like I am researching a student’s case, an academic standard, an ERAU policy, everyday! Most of the situations that I have to research are triggered by problems, problems that require immediate answers. I don’t remember when I noticed this about myself but the euphoria experienced when I find my answers or solve a case, is pretty intense. I love the feeling of solving impossible problems. I believe that I learned this about myself through my experience in the MSLD program and through my own self-reflection.
Overall, my level of self-awareness has increased since making personal changes and being in the MSLD program. I am willing to take a deeper look inside and self-disclose what I am learning. I have been introspective since I was a child; my mother called me the deeper thinker of the bunch (siblings) so journaling about my feelings has never been an issue for me. As a result, taking time to dig deeper definitely put me on the pathway to self-awareness. However, writing about values and deeply personal thoughts is only one step in the pursuit of self-awareness. Whetten and Cameron (2016) note that it is almost impossible to increase self-awareness unless we interact with and disclose ourselves to others; unless we are willing to open up to others, to discuss aspects of ourselves that seem ambiguous or unknown, little growth can ever occur (p.46). I have to say that self-disclosure is one of the biggest changes I see in myself and that others see in me. Instead of keeping my feelings and thoughts tucked away, I communicate them. Instead of assuming that I am understood, I seek to understand others and ask others if clarification is needed from me when I am communicating. Coupled with my own life experiences, the MSLD program consistently provides exercises for continued growth in my self-awareness.
Whetton, D. A. & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills, 9th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson.
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